How to Survive, Thrive, and Set a Healthy Example for Your Teens

Graduate 2025/Laura Greer

“I’m just a mom.” That was often my response when asked what I do. Yet, I knew the statistics. The demands of being a mom are like having two and a half full-time jobs, and that’s only if you’re not also employed, self-employed, or side-hustling.

I should’ve held my head high in this declaration, but I was an exhausted mom and, honestly, a bit lost and wandering as my kids entered their preteen years. My identity as a mom was shifting into something new. I felt like I wasn’t needed as much, although, looking back, I now understand that I was still very much needed—it was just a different type of need I had to learn to navigate.

If you take into account the teenage hormones and our own emotions as we start to look ahead to surviving the roller coaster ride that eventually leads to empty-nesting, it can feel like we’re stuck in survival mode from all the demands. In our family’s case, a degree of neurodiversity was also thrown into the mix, including my own undiagnosed ADHD, which wasn’t even on my radar at the time.

Welcome to the Hot Mess Express; hang on for dear life. The good news is we don’t have to camp out in survival mode. There are things we can do as we navigate the hormones and our children’s differentiation while still being the moms they need us to be. Not only can these steps help us and our families thrive through the teenage years, but they can also prepare us as moms to navigate the path to empty-nesting better.

As homeschoolers, being with our children in such an integral way becomes a part of who we are as moms. When our kids begin to differentiate and become more independent, we can feel left behind as we desperately try to hold on to the familiar connection we’ve had with them while they are often testing boundaries and pulling in the opposite direction as hard as possible.

I realized my degree of direct involvement in their daily life had become unhealthy for both me and my children. Fear of what could happen to them led me to clinch onto motherhood as an idol. I never thought of myself as a helicopter parent, but when their youth director jokingly referred to me as a smother mother, it caused me to re-examine my role in that season. Sure, the comment stung a bit deeper than I’d like to admit, but it spurred me to realize that this was only just the beginning of our transition toward empty nesting; I needed to differentiate almost as much as my kids did, for everyone’s sake.

Sweet Mama, there is hope. Now that my kids are young adults, I can attest that the hormones will settle, and the prefrontal cortex will develop. You can have a wonderful new kind of relationship with your adult children beyond the hormones and roller coaster rides. But what should we do about the years that must be navigated from puberty to young adulthood? How do we survive as we also prepare ourselves for the empty nest?

Not only can we survive those years, but we can thrive and set a healthy example of resiliency and growth for our children as we navigate and prepare ourselves for the empty nest. Here are some thoughts to help you get started on this journey:

1. Identify what you can control.

When things get heated with your preteen or teen, take time to respond thoughtfully rather than react in the moment. When things seem out of control, it’s important to understand we can control ourselves and our responses.

Our kids are inevitably going to test our boundaries. Expect it, and be prepared to step back and assess before you respond. Taking time to consider what is underneath the presenting issue with our children may not only help us respond better, but it will also set a healthy example for them not to react impulsively to life’s situations. It will create space for communication and develop trust with our teens so that they can come to us with the hard things.

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9 NIV 

2. Recognize the codependency of over-identifying with your roles.

It’s not hard to fall into the trap of codependency. Any roles we take on in life, such as wife, mom, home educator, homemaker, volunteer, employee, or beyond, can become idols if we allow them. How do we recognize that this has happened? When our own inner peace and joy feel as though they depend upon the circumstances and people around us, it’s time to step back and examine why. Are we pouring into those roles out of our own unmet needs that go deeper than the role itself?

I entered the role of motherhood from a struggle with PCOS and infertility, which left me coveting the role of a mom at an even deeper level than I thought possible. Because of that experience, I poured myself into motherhood at a level that neglected my other relationships. I put myself on the back burner and neglected self-care, which ultimately affected not only my mental health but my physical and spiritual health as well.

Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. John 15:4 NIV

3. Affirm your worth.

We are so much more than just moms! Our worth is not attached to our roles. Our worth is inherent and God-given. When we begin to understand how we are created with our gifts, personalities, and talents and examine our natural bent toward certain values combined with our experiences, we can begin to peel back the layers of fear, insecurity, and comparison to find our true selves as God created us.

When we begin to understand that we are each created as a unique reflection of God for the lives we touch, the path ahead becomes clearer. We can more easily discern and focus on the best of what is being set before us. We are less likely to be distracted, realizing that even the things we consider to be good can be a distraction from God’s best.

I struggled with my worth for a long time. When I left my job to be a stay-at-home mom and homeschooler, I transferred my over-identification with my job into being a mom, wife, teacher, and wanna-be-housekeeper. I was trying too hard to be all these things, thinking that’s where I’d find my worth—but I was stretched so thin that it wasn’t sustainable. It wasn’t until I embraced that my worth is inherent as an image bearer of Christ that I began to heal.

Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs on your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. Luke 12:6-7 NIV

4. Self-care is absolutely not selfish!

Taking the necessary time to nourish our body, mind, and soul adequately is an investment in ourselves and in the lives of those we touch. It is vital for moms to take time for self-care.

Self-care is especially needed in the season of changes that comes as our kids differentiate from us. There is a natural grieving that takes place when our role as mom changes. Taking care of ourselves during this time can help us through this process and allow us the bandwidth to see and embrace the hope that is ahead of us in the new season.

Quiet time, movement, nutrition, hydration, and rest are often the last things on our minds but are the first things we should be nurturing. When we take better care of ourselves, we can then pour into the lives of those around us from a place of fullness instead of lack. We can be more discerning with our choices, embracing a holy no to those opportunities and situations that may seem good and worthy but aren’t the best of what God has planned for us.

I had to learn to enforce boundaries around my need for self-care lovingly. Having been a people-pleaser most of my life, this was a challenging mindset shift. My natural inclination is to be a helper, but the helper can’t help if she’s drained dry! Put needs first in some way each day. I know you’re busy with all the things, but all the things will come much easier if you’ve spent even just five or ten minutes on some way of caring for yourself in the process.

Quiet time, deep breathing, exercise, or even a hot shower can change the trajectory of your day. We can go from draining exhaustion at the end of the day to a tiredness that carries a level of satisfaction at having done our best from a place of being true to our most authentic selves.

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:1-2 NIV

 Precious mom, where do you struggle most in these teen and pre-empty nesting years? Whether it seems like it or not, they’re watching and learning from you. What better example to give them for a healthy adulthood than to do your own inner work in these areas? Allow them to see you grow and become more resilient so they can do the same as they become adults. Give yourself some grace for where you are in the process, and allow yourself time to explore steps that bring deep peace and calm into your life. In so doing, you’ll not only survive, but you can thrive throughout the teenage years and be more prepared for the empty nest. 

Laura Greer is in joyful recovery from juggling too much on the balance beam of life. As her journey from brokenness to healing continues, she desires to help homeschool moms find their inherent worth beyond the roles they fill. Laura is a blogger, speaker, and life coach for moms, especially those preparing for the empty nest. As a professional coach, Laura is a member of the Homeschool Counseling Resources Network. She and her husband of thirty-one years (if you don’t count the bump in the road) homeschooled their children from pre-K through high school graduation in Western North Carolina. Laura can be found at IntentionalGrowthandWellness.com or contacted at Laura@IntentionalGrowthandWellness.com.